The one where he shows he is human
On Tuesday I had what I would consider the way a day should go. Go to the therapist, talk abut how screwed up I am and then later that same day go to the perinatologist, see beautiful pictures of my boys....and talk about how screwed up I am.
Lucky me, not just pregnant with twins but I "gots issues" too. Yeah me!
These last two weeks have been a huge struggle diabetes wise. My BG has been thru the roof, not just a bit higher, not a lot higher, like thru the roof, high as a kite. It has not mattered that I have upped my basal rates, tweaking them higher, higher, higher. In the last two weeks I have doubled my daily dose of insulin. We are talking about close to.....I am cringing as I type....180 units a day. I almost feel like I should open the vial of insulin and start gulping them like shots of caffeine. I have been in a pretty scary place with my BG. I would try to leave it at that but my BG doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects these two little beings that will be here in 9 short weeks or less...
To say I am scared about how my diabetes is affecting these babies is like the understatement of the year. S-C-A-R-E-D does not touch the tip of the iceberg. It's been bad. I had my first true freak-out last week while preparing for Rosh Hashanah. BG had been totally out of control, I was feeling awful due to both the BG and pregnancy but not complaining for fear someone might think I was ungrateful for this pregnancy. Tuesday night I had been up, no joke, every half hour going to the bathroom. It felt like I had ketones, a UTI and someone had hit me with a sledge hammer but I just couldn't put my finger on the issue. I had been to the kidney doc on Monday and he had praised just how well everything was going. I was pretty proud of myself other than these damn BG readings. The more insulin I gave myself it seemed the higher my BG went and my CGMS was not helping at all. It was giving me all kinds of false lows and other crazy readings. I finally pulled it and just let it sit on the charger for several days.
So Wednesday I am cooking for Rosh Hashanah with my mother and she is nagging me how I don't look good, have gone to the bathroom a million times and on and on and on. She begged me to the call the doctor and you know what I did. I had not felt the boys move in almost twenty hours and I was freaking out nervous something was wrong. Again, I didn't want to seem like the problem patient but Amie promised me that anytime I called she would take me seriously and that she would bring me right in, never a problem patient. And so I called...and she told me to come RIGHT IN. I did go in with my mother in tow. The boys were moving around doing all the things they were supposed to be doing and my mother like the proud Bubbe that she is sat enamored with the ultrasound screen. I think she never truly believes me when I explain how truly cool it is to see the boys do "their thing" on the ultrasound. I was given a script for an antibiotic to clear up the beginning of a UTI and reassured that everything looked spot on, except those pesky BG. While in the peri's office the endo's office FINALLY called me back but only to tell me that I was increasing my basals appropriately and to try using the backs of my arms as sites. I was not a happy camper. Back of the arm = my least favorite spot. I was sent on my way from Amie's office and told to come back this Tuesday for my regular appointment.
Finally on the antibiotics I felt better but my BG's were not budging. I knew this could not be good for the boys. This huge pit had taken up residence in my stomach worried about the harm that I was doing. Amie tried to reassure me that I was doing everything in my power to do everything right but it didn't help.
Tuesday rolled around and I basically spent my hour with my therapist blathering on about all the things wrong right now...including my health and all the ways in which my endo had failed me. It was a good hour and one in which I needed but ridiculous in that I can't believe that I actually felt like my endo had some fault in this for not telling me that this is pretty typical for a twin/Type 1 pregnancy. Really any pregnancy for a Type 1, at some point your BG just goes haywire. My hormones are like gi.rls go.ne wil.d.
I was excited to see the boys on ultrasound again and I knew that the specialists were doing a repeat echo so they could catch ALL the parts of the heart that they weren't able to catch the last time (tricky boys I have in my gut). I was nervous, as I always am when I go to the peri. Like a good little tech she showed me the HB's first. Most importantly they must have scrawled it all over my chart CRAZY LADY, tell her their is a HB first before moving on. The tech was good, they all are in the peri's office. They all know me and I am pretty sure they draw straws when I come in the door, they are afraid to scan me. Ultrasound went well. Dr. M. came in with three or four students to show them the "case". I assume he said "check this chick out"! Dr. M. deemed all things perfect so far but never asked about my BG. When they brought me in for my OB portion of my appointment Amie asked if I had discussed my BG issues with Dr. M. and I told her oddly he never asked. Sooooo, Amie went and got Dr. H. who will hopefully be catching/delivering the boys.
When Dr. H. walked in I honest to g-d have never felt better than when he put his hand on my back, turned around grabbed a seat, looked me right in the eye and said, "We ALL are as SCARED as you are". To some woman that might have placed more fear on their shoulders knowing that the high risk doctor was telling them that they were in fact also scared for the their patient but for me it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much better just knowing that Dr. H. really gets what I am going through. He didn't have any magic answers, he didn't do anything really special. What he did do is acknowledge just how freaking scary this is. We all are hoping that I make it. This pregnancy so far has been good, great in fact. But, to be honest we are all scared and it helps me to know that includes Dr. H. and his staff. They all want me to make and make it safely and everyone is doing everything possible to make that happen, me included.
My BG finally started to come down on Tuesday evening and I have even had a few low BG reactions. It's amazing....
Nine weeks or less until the boys arrive per Dr. H.
Next up....Multiple Blessings class and the Pain Olympics
Lucky me, not just pregnant with twins but I "gots issues" too. Yeah me!
These last two weeks have been a huge struggle diabetes wise. My BG has been thru the roof, not just a bit higher, not a lot higher, like thru the roof, high as a kite. It has not mattered that I have upped my basal rates, tweaking them higher, higher, higher. In the last two weeks I have doubled my daily dose of insulin. We are talking about close to.....I am cringing as I type....180 units a day. I almost feel like I should open the vial of insulin and start gulping them like shots of caffeine. I have been in a pretty scary place with my BG. I would try to leave it at that but my BG doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects these two little beings that will be here in 9 short weeks or less...
To say I am scared about how my diabetes is affecting these babies is like the understatement of the year. S-C-A-R-E-D does not touch the tip of the iceberg. It's been bad. I had my first true freak-out last week while preparing for Rosh Hashanah. BG had been totally out of control, I was feeling awful due to both the BG and pregnancy but not complaining for fear someone might think I was ungrateful for this pregnancy. Tuesday night I had been up, no joke, every half hour going to the bathroom. It felt like I had ketones, a UTI and someone had hit me with a sledge hammer but I just couldn't put my finger on the issue. I had been to the kidney doc on Monday and he had praised just how well everything was going. I was pretty proud of myself other than these damn BG readings. The more insulin I gave myself it seemed the higher my BG went and my CGMS was not helping at all. It was giving me all kinds of false lows and other crazy readings. I finally pulled it and just let it sit on the charger for several days.
So Wednesday I am cooking for Rosh Hashanah with my mother and she is nagging me how I don't look good, have gone to the bathroom a million times and on and on and on. She begged me to the call the doctor and you know what I did. I had not felt the boys move in almost twenty hours and I was freaking out nervous something was wrong. Again, I didn't want to seem like the problem patient but Amie promised me that anytime I called she would take me seriously and that she would bring me right in, never a problem patient. And so I called...and she told me to come RIGHT IN. I did go in with my mother in tow. The boys were moving around doing all the things they were supposed to be doing and my mother like the proud Bubbe that she is sat enamored with the ultrasound screen. I think she never truly believes me when I explain how truly cool it is to see the boys do "their thing" on the ultrasound. I was given a script for an antibiotic to clear up the beginning of a UTI and reassured that everything looked spot on, except those pesky BG. While in the peri's office the endo's office FINALLY called me back but only to tell me that I was increasing my basals appropriately and to try using the backs of my arms as sites. I was not a happy camper. Back of the arm = my least favorite spot. I was sent on my way from Amie's office and told to come back this Tuesday for my regular appointment.
Finally on the antibiotics I felt better but my BG's were not budging. I knew this could not be good for the boys. This huge pit had taken up residence in my stomach worried about the harm that I was doing. Amie tried to reassure me that I was doing everything in my power to do everything right but it didn't help.
Tuesday rolled around and I basically spent my hour with my therapist blathering on about all the things wrong right now...including my health and all the ways in which my endo had failed me. It was a good hour and one in which I needed but ridiculous in that I can't believe that I actually felt like my endo had some fault in this for not telling me that this is pretty typical for a twin/Type 1 pregnancy. Really any pregnancy for a Type 1, at some point your BG just goes haywire. My hormones are like gi.rls go.ne wil.d.
I was excited to see the boys on ultrasound again and I knew that the specialists were doing a repeat echo so they could catch ALL the parts of the heart that they weren't able to catch the last time (tricky boys I have in my gut). I was nervous, as I always am when I go to the peri. Like a good little tech she showed me the HB's first. Most importantly they must have scrawled it all over my chart CRAZY LADY, tell her their is a HB first before moving on. The tech was good, they all are in the peri's office. They all know me and I am pretty sure they draw straws when I come in the door, they are afraid to scan me. Ultrasound went well. Dr. M. came in with three or four students to show them the "case". I assume he said "check this chick out"! Dr. M. deemed all things perfect so far but never asked about my BG. When they brought me in for my OB portion of my appointment Amie asked if I had discussed my BG issues with Dr. M. and I told her oddly he never asked. Sooooo, Amie went and got Dr. H. who will hopefully be catching/delivering the boys.
When Dr. H. walked in I honest to g-d have never felt better than when he put his hand on my back, turned around grabbed a seat, looked me right in the eye and said, "We ALL are as SCARED as you are". To some woman that might have placed more fear on their shoulders knowing that the high risk doctor was telling them that they were in fact also scared for the their patient but for me it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much better just knowing that Dr. H. really gets what I am going through. He didn't have any magic answers, he didn't do anything really special. What he did do is acknowledge just how freaking scary this is. We all are hoping that I make it. This pregnancy so far has been good, great in fact. But, to be honest we are all scared and it helps me to know that includes Dr. H. and his staff. They all want me to make and make it safely and everyone is doing everything possible to make that happen, me included.
My BG finally started to come down on Tuesday evening and I have even had a few low BG reactions. It's amazing....
Nine weeks or less until the boys arrive per Dr. H.
Next up....Multiple Blessings class and the Pain Olympics
posted by Flmgodog @ 9:26 AM
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