I'm still here and hanging in

Most exciting news in our little family. Today we found out genders (I am not going to post it today as some of my family reads this blog though I don't know how often they check in anymore)!!!!


I'm still hanging in with the pregnancy. I am 16 weeks 5 days today, both babies were measuring ahead (17w 3d and 17w 4d). I've decided that though it is one pregnancy that it is numbers 9 AND 10. That way I can say that pregnancies five and ten were the charm. Both babies A and B looked good this morning. Both still alive, with beating hearts and lots of movement. I am still one scared mama but I have been in to see Amie and the doctors almost every two weeks. They ALL know the kind of mind games that are going on in my head. They don't even barely ask anymore how long in between appointments I want to go. I will wait three weeks until my next appointment.

It's all been a little crazy this time around with pregnancy. I feel good but have had some moments where my body has told me to slow way down and rest. I am usually the type to burn the candle at both ends. I have had lots of moments of shear terror. I so badly want to believe that these babies will be born alive and healthy. But sometimes the fear over runs me. Just last night I was using my Doppler (BEST PURCHASE EVER) and I said to DH after I heard both heartbeats, "At least I can tell them tomorrow (today) that both were alive at 10 pm central time). DH reminds me that all will be well and good but it is so hard for me to believe that. I am learning to be better. I thank the twinkles every single night for staying alive for another day and pray that they have heartbeats and continue to be healthy each day. One day at a time. I am continuing to see a therapist once or twice a month just for a "How are you holding up" appointment. I want to let her go but I fear I can't. What if something happens?

Tonight we plan to tell Izzie that she may get TWO little babies. I bet she won't be thrilled. We have tried this out on her a couple of times and the results....MOM, it would not be cool to have two babies. We shall see. Tomorrow night we are hosting a gender reveal party at our house. I am pretty excited about this. Their are rarely things anymore that to do with pregnancy that I get to be excited for. Nervous, YES, stressed, for sure, and definitely anxious. Our immediate family is coming and I have the surprise genders hidden in a cake that Bubbe will get to cut into. Nana had the opportunity but apparently she has something more important to do. I am hoping the party turns out like I planned with no big surprises except the reveal however I know how things always turn out. Let's hope for the only surprise to be the gender reveal.

Blogger is being a boob and I have tried and tried to update but it keeps deleting my posts. I promise to try and come back and update. I have tried to comment on lots of blogs but again blogger is being a jerk. I am still reading and now that I am wishing lots of you luck on your journeys.