All I ever write about anymore are all these damn doctors appointments. That needs to change (but probably isn't happening in this lifetime).

Today I met with my endocrinologist ( I was looking for the right word but it just hasn't come to me). I had kind of worked myself about this meeting. The guy didn't really even have a chance. I had already made up my mind that I was tweaked. I will remind you that this is the same endo that I received all my chart from including his patient notes from records 2005 through current. Not good. I had been preparing myself for what I wanted to say. Let me get something traight before I go on. This guy is a nice guy to your face. Again, to your face. He and I have been on very different pages on several issues and to my face he is pretty good but get him on the phone (or patient notes) and he is totally different obviously!

Normal idle chatter with the nurse as I was called back, weight and finger poke for the A1C. I had uploaded my sensor yesterday so the staff could get Dr. T. my numbers before my appointment. A quick run down of all my meds current and past and then it was sit and wait. The nurse whom I like well enough has been through quite a bit of infertility herself and though she does not have diabetes on top of that I am sure she gets it. She is probably in her later fifties/early sixties and she has shared some of her struggles with me before. I am sure she was scared to death to say anything to me about this most recent loss. Mostly idle chat with the nurse except when she took my BP and of course this came back sky high. I wonder why? I mentioned that I had some issues and that in the future maybe it would be wise to send patients what they requested and possibly not the doctor's patient notes. Maybe it was an oversight on the staff mangers part OR maybe NOT?

The Dr. T. strutted in, we exchanged pleasantries and he handed me my A1C (5.8). My A1C was up from when I was pregnant but it was certainly a good enough number to "try again". I think he was waiting to see where I was going to go but I didn't give up anything. I let him ask his questions. Most of what he did during the appointment was try to convince me that I needed to go onto the De.xcom 7 and go off my Min.i.med sensor. I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell this guy has with the other sensor but the last several appointments he has been going on and on and on about how I need to switch. I did trial the De.xcom before I went on my current one ( it was literally the week before the 7+ came out). It didn't do anything for me. At least it didn't do anything better for me than the one that I am one.

Apparently Dr. T. speaks out of both sides of his mouth. In previous pregnancies he has been all about how my BG needs to be as low as possible. Literally in my last two - three pregnancies my BG has been running anywhere between 40-75. Do you know how incredibly, incredibly hard it is to function with a BG like that? Almost impossible. The perinatologists kept telling me "TO LOW, WAY TOO LOW", but Dr. T. kept saying it's not all that low and you are not that low all day and night long. I mean holy crap....Sooooo, I mentioned to him on every occasion possible with this last pregnancy that the peri's were concerned. Dr. T. essentially turned his head the other way and I on a few occasions told the peri's that I was going to go with there guidelines for the week as I just couldn't function during tax season as 40 ( oh my g-d, the things I will do to try to stay pregnant). So, that brings me back to today's appointment. Dr. T. tells me that "this" is maybe why the baby died. Maybe my BG was too low, but nobody really knows why pregnancies go wrong. I hear this a lot. I have been tested for a lot of things that I apparently don't have but I do have a lot of other "issues" stacked against me. I find it very hard to believe with the way I manage my diabetes that it has much to do with my losses. Their are a fair number of woman who get pregnant with higher A1C's in the 9's and 10's and beyond, have a decent pregnancy and have minimal issues with birth and after. I guess I am my own kind of "special". Dr. T. then brought the conversation full circle by telling me that if I was on the De.xcom that I would have a better end result for pregnancy. It made me laugh, I mean really and truly I laughed OUT LOUD.
Beyond how utter stupid this made him sound don't you think that the MONEY could be an issue. I have ONLY had my current sensor for a little over a year. Who is going to pay for this new system? Dr. T.? My insurance? Yeah, I don't think so!

I let Dr. T. know several times in my appointment that I was most disturbed by what was in my patient notes and that in the future he probably should not be including those in packets where the patient has requested their previous labs. Just a thought considering all he said about me. I may say rude things about my clients after they have left my office and may even curse them after I have hung up the phone but you can be certain I would never write it in their client file nor write it ANY place where their is potential for a client to see it.

I left Dr. T.'s office feeling a bit more empowered for standing up to him once again and for letting him know that he has some work of his own to do.
I was feeling pretty good that is until I got to the check-out desk where I made my appointment and I was trying to be a nice person (for my step-father). I was asked earlier in the week if I would pick up a bag of Humalog for my Step-father. He goes to the same group of doctors and they all use the same educators. The educator Dawn and I are tight. You know we are like BFF and all since over the course of EIGHT pregnancies I have had to email my BG to them EVERY WEEK. Any how, my step-dad mentioned to Dawn that I would be in later in the week and could I just pick that insulin up for him. She agreed and said she would put his name on it and put it in the fridge up front for me. Well imagine that....I wasn't able to pick it up for him. The whole office are a bunch of asshats ( I could have told you this). After giving me a bunch of grief I told them that maybe they ought to go talk to Dawn. Twenty minutes later the insulin was handed over.

Just goes to show you that no good deed goes unpunished.